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American Runs on Munchkins

As the ad campaign goes, “America Runs on Dunkin’.” And that’s probably not a good thing.

If we’re relying on jelly doughnuts, bacon, egg and cheese bagel sandwiches and sugar-laden fruit Coolattas to get us through each day, then that doesn’t say much about America.

We know we’re obese. Of course we love fat, lard, processed cheese and carbohydrates. But why must Dunkin’ Donuts mock us with such an asinine and downright insulting slogan? In a way, it’s all part of Dunkin’s psychological mind game; Make them think they can’t function without our product, and pretty soon they won’t.

Coffee is like a pack of cigarettes or a stick of chewing gum–without them, America’s addictive nature will render it uncomfortable and unable to accomplish everyday tasks. We must have these products in order to operate. Coffee runs through our veins. Cream cheese oozes from our pores.

But because it’s not McDonald’s or Burger King feeding us, we see no qualms about consuming it on a daily basis. Society tell us that fast food and cigarettes are hurtful but it jovially welcomes an addiction to breakfast pastries and coffee with open arms. Dunkin’ Donuts is rarely held accountable in obesity headlines, although it technically is fast food. But since there are no cheeseburgers on the menu, feel free to indulge, America.

Coffee has become the trendy, unofficial consumer product of white collar America. Iced coffee, blueberry-raspberry coffee, coffee coolattas, faux-coffee shakes, and coffee with whipped cream and flavor shots all provide an endless stream of income to franchises like Dunkin’s. Many Americans don’t even enjoy the taste of coffee. Because they are apart of white collar America, however, society deems it a crucial product to consume in order to remain productive. And if all of your co-workers are drinking it, you might as well drink it too.

What if the home of the Big Mac changed its slogan to “America Runs on McDonald’s?” It probably wouldn’t go over too well with the media or special interest groups. Morgan Spurlock would be forced to come out from beneath his rock to make another documentary.

Yet, the America Runs on Dunkin’ tag remains–and the nation continues to ask itself: “Why can’t I lose any weight?”

P.S. Speaking of documentaries and fatness, I wish Michael Moore would do a film on American obesity. Irony at its finest.

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